Monday, December 16, 2013

Happy Holidays …

Season’s Greetings. Happy Holidays. Heaven forbid I say, “Merry Christmas” … right? Well, since this is my blog post, I’ll say it anyway: Merry Christmas.


I hope the holiday season finds everyone well and healthy. Life around here has been one huge roller coaster this year with more downs, it seems sometimes, than ups. I mean, on the plus side, we were able to complete repairs on the house —thanks to the people who helped us get those done on time! You will forever be in my heart; I hope you all know that.


On the down side, my husband’s company had a meeting around Halloween and told everyone that things were ‘looking up, blah blah blah’, and then last week, another meeting to announce that they’re closing as of March 2014. It felt kind of like a kick in the gut, or maybe the very last indignity heaped upon an already craptastic year. My positivity at this point is shaky at best and barely hanging on, and it feels sometimes like the more I try to encourage others, the more my life seems to fall apart. At this point, I’m just trying to hold everything together for my husband’s sake. I mean, this isn’t his fault. He’s worked there for fifteen years now, and then this. It’s all so horrible, and I’m glad they’re giving everyone notice, but just before Christmas . . . well, it makes everything just a little harder to take. We already knew we had next to no money for Christmas, thanks to Eric’s lack of overtime. My kids are old enough to know that they won’t get a lot for Christmas, and they’re okay with that. They’re just happy to be with us, and I’m happy, too, and yet I can’t help but feel like that happiness is so very fragile, as though it’s teetering at the edge of a very thin blade and that happiness is a tightrope I’m walking. I feel like this is what I get for thinking that the worst was behind us because I know what the job market is like around here. It’s not good. We come from an industrial area, and yet all the industries are closing. Of the twenty factories that existed prior to the recession, only four remained. As of March, there will be three. People ask us, why don’t we move? It’s not as simple as that, either. As it is, we own our house: no rent, no mortgage, and if we can barely make it through as it is, then what hope do we have for a time when we won’t have an income to speak of (because unemployment is just not enough to make it.) Will Eric get a severance package? Sure, but not in the true sense of the term. He’ll get a very small amount for his fifteen years of dedicated employment, and all that will serve to do is screw with filing for unemployment and such because, as many know, even if you want food stamps, you have to starve for a good month before you can even qualify to get those, too.)


I feel like we’re at the very bottom of a glass cylinder that stretches up to the skies. There’s nothing to grab onto; there’s no hope at all. Eric doesn’t have his GED, and I tell him that he can get it—I mean, he kind of has to, all things considered, and yet, I worry about that, too. See, he was in a car accident when he was in high school, and it affected his short-term memory and still does. He has trouble remembering things, and if those things don’t interest him (like school work, for example) then he has even more trouble with it. When he dropped out of school, he was roughly three grades behind. He’s not stupid. He learns things through repetition and does a lot of note taking, but he’s scared it won’t be enough to help him get the GED, and I believe he can. At least, I hope he can since his ability to get another job depends upon it. As for me? I’ve been putting in my application everywhere, and nothing. Now, part of that, I know, is due to the fact that I haven’t worked since 2000. The rest of it? The biggest part of it? I’ll be honest here. I made some bad choices back then, and I got in trouble with the law. Where it used to ask on apps, “Have you been convicted of a felony in the past seven years?” it now asks, “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?”, and once they see the YES box checked, then you can forget about it. Yes, I realize that I made my own bad choices, and yes, I learned from my mistakes. Yes, I know that my inability to get a job is ultimately my own fault, and I take responsibility for that. But no where on those apps does it ask, have you learned your lesson? Do you understand the reasons behind your own actions? Can you be sure that you won’t repeat the same behavior again? Because I could answer all of those positively. I went to counseling. I learned things about myself that I didn’t know before—ugly things that I hadn’t wanted to know, and yet, I was able to deal with those same things and to grow from them. I know that people are allowed to make mistakes. I don’t think that they should be punished for them forever, but I am, and I know that it’s my own fault, but that doesn’t really help me feel better when I think, what the hell are we going to do?


As for my computer (which I’m not writing this from lol), I don’t currently have one. I have to borrow my kid’s computer because mine got dropped and pretty well shattered, which is the main reason I’m writing this now. I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get another computer. At this point, it’s a frivolous thing that we just can’t afford. I just don’t know, so the reality of it is that all of my stories are going to be put on indefinite hiatus. I hope you understand. I hope to finish the stories one day, and I will check in as much as I can from my phone or on my kid’s computer. Just know that Evan and Valerie will get their happily ever after.


My wish for all of you is to be healthy and happy, to love and to laugh. The time I got to spend with all of you was truly a blessing to me and one that I will forever truly miss.



posted by Sueric at 3:22 am  


  1. I want you to know that my prayers are with you and your family during this economic crisis. I have followed your stories for years and the tales that you tell brought me strength, hope, laughter and the ability to look towards a better future during my own times of hardship. I really really wish I could give you money but unfortunately the financial leech has latched on to my family as well…family drama…no money…can’t get hired…oh my! Crap, I don’t want to burden you with my baggage, but I want you to know that you’re not alone and that my heart aches for you and I pray that there will be a silver lining..hell, a wardrobe of silver linings for you guys. Like the rest of your fans we will be waiting for the continuation of Evan and Val, but more importantly, we pray that YOUR story has a happy ending!

    Comment by Ehu — February 9, 2014 @ 8:43 pm

  2. It’s been awhile since you’ve updated your blog, or posted on MediaMiner. I certainly understand how life can knock you down at times. It doesn’t sound like you’ve got an easy journey ahead of you. Then again, the easy journeys aren’t the ones that matter the most, are they? You shall make it through this, and whether you believe it now or not, you will be stronger for having been through this. On a side note, MediaMiner’s been fighting me on posting a review for Purity: Subterfuge, so I thought I would post it here. I don’t know if you still have access to a computer, or are able to receive alerts, but I hope this can bring a little light into the darkness for you.

    Be well,
    ~ Wolf

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Purity: Subterfuge~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I feel I must warn you ahead of time that I’m probably going to babble a bit. Please consider that a compliment, as my typical reviews tend to be pretty put together and simple.

    This universe you’ve created throughout the entirety of the Purity series is, simply put, breathing and mind-blowing amazing. I have read these stories so many time, but I have to say, the story here between Even and Valerie is my favorite by far. The way that you bring them to life, the way you tell their romance through the trials and tribulations of what each has gone through in their past and then what they experience together . . . It’s as though I’m watching their love story unfold through a series of dances. It’s starts as a tango between Valerie and Marvin and Valerie and Evan – what she has and thinks she needs versus what she desires, only to evolve into a sassy cha cha as she allows herself to explore Zel’s world. It changes again, into a slow sensual Rhumba as she falls deeper into love with Evan, even as she stubbornly clings to the belief that she will still marry Marvin. And then once again, we see Valerie tango with Evan, and it the most passionate, beautiful dance of all.

    Their story is one for the ages, the kind of passion and love we all secretly wish to find, but fear will never be ours. Those who doubted you, who hated on Valerie, or thought that the story was moving too slowly – ignore them and never think of them again, for even put all together, they know nothing of the true beauty of life. There is no pleasure without pain, and there is no growth or discovery without first there being a loss. One cannot simply ‘flip a switch’ on their past, or decide one day that they are simply going to ‘get over it’. It doesn’t work that way. Anyone who says differently has never experienced anything in their life of great value. An experience that stays with you is one that touches you deeply, and regardless of what that experience may ultimately be, you will never truly be without the lessons it has taught you.

    I truly hope to see more from you in the Purity series, but I understand if you find yourself someday coming to an end with it. As beautiful as any Van Gogh and as unforgettably engaging as Santana’s ‘Smooth’, I know that this – the Purity series in its completion and most especially Subterfuge – shall live on for ages to come. Thank you for sharing your amazing talent with all of us, and may you never stop writing!

    Comment by WhisperingWolf — February 23, 2014 @ 12:40 am

  3. Sueric,

    I’ve been an avid fan for yours for 8 years. I don’t usually come forward, mostly out of shyness. I am from Panama, a little country in Central America. Your stories have helped me go through some hard times, and they are currently serving as a lovely escape from my daily routine. I know there is not much I can say or do, but It felt selfish of me not to stop by and send some love and support for someone who unknowingly gave me some very lovely moments. You have an incredible talent. Someone who comes up with stories like these must have an enormous heart. I am sure things will get better, and I’ll have you in my thoughts. Gracias por todo lo que me has dado a través de tus historias. Te mando mucho amor y mucho cariño.


    Comment by Mingthoy — March 10, 2014 @ 3:04 pm

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