Well, she did it, of course. My “wonderful” sister-in-law called the housing authority on us. Luckily, we were able to get the biggest threat under control (the mold) so the inspector only saw a very small portion of it, but he said that if he could see it, it meant that it was growing in the ceiling, so we have to pull it down and reinsulated it. Then he did see other things and gave us 90 days to fix the things or else (he’ll condemn our house). The other wall needs to be replaced, the floor in the kitchen provides a grave risk (he said), and those things have to be done within 90 days. I’m not gonna lie. I was pretty upset for a few days, but I decided that I would rather try to be optimistic, so here I am. The cosmetic stuff isn’t pretty but it can wait. It’s the structural damage that the inspector pinpointed, like the weakened floor in the kitchen because of the leaking roof and the wall that didn’t have mold but is caving in. Unfortunately, it’s a support wall, so we have to replace it or the entire thing could come falling down.

Eric’s hours still haven’t picked up, but at least the rumors that there might be another round of layoffs has been dispelled. We were pretty worried about that one :/ Between doing things around the house and stuff, he’s been pretty well exhausted, and I feel bad for him.

To be honest, it’s been pretty difficult lately to remember that I’m worth anything, given the things that have been happening. It’s like being pushed down so often that you start to wonder just what you matter to anyone, and I know deep down that this feelings comes from my frustration at my inability to write. I mean, I can write, but I literally don’t have the time to do it like I want to, and I realize more than anything, that writing is a kind of therapy for me—a way to get my feelings out in a constructive way so that I’m not taking those same emotions out on the people around me. I’m pretty sure that this is the crux of my problem, and yet, until we get the house fixed like we should, there’s really no help for it.

We also found out that my mother has a tumor on one of her ovaries, and the doctor said that it’s a good five inches (yes, inches) in diameter. She’s awaiting result from a biopsy, and we’re hoping that it isn’t cancerous because at her age and present state of health, she’s not a candidate for surgery. I’m trying not to think about this, too, because, well, it’s a lot to take in, and as much as I’d love to go see her, we just don’t have the money with the house repairs that have to be done.

So we went to the bank to beg for a loan, and that didn’t work out. With Eric’s reduced hours, our bills have been paid a little later than they should be, and with our credit already the way it is, there’s nothing they could do for us. Like I said, I had my days of feeling sorry for myself and all that. I’m hoping that things are starting to move in the right direction now. I mean, it really can’t go any further south, IMO. It can’t, right …?

Trying to stay positive to keep my sanity in check, and I’ve managed to get a minute or two here and there to jot down a few words. As a small thank you for those who have been so gracious to us, I’ve posted the first chapter of Mikio’s story on Media Miner. I know it isn’t much, but it’s all I’ve got. I’m praying that, with help, we can get this stuff done within the 90 day deadline before the next inspection so I can get back to the things that I love to do, the things that make me feel like I’m worth something, and I hate to do so, but I will ask once more, hopefully for the last time, for help. If we could do it on our own, we would. We already sold my desktop PC (so I’m using a rather old laptop, but it’s all good) and everything else—our CDs, movies, anything that could help us to fix our house in time—and we just have nothing left that is of any value. Sad but true, I even sold my entire InuYasha collection, the whole thing. I just have nothing left to sell or trade or anything. We’re truly at the bottom, and yet, I feel this sense of hope that since we’re down here already, there IS nowhere to go but up. If you can help us now, you have no idea how much this would mean to us, how much your help so far has meant to us. If you can’t, I understand that, too. In any case, I thank you for reading this post, and I thank you for your emotional support! This whole year has truly been one of the hardest of my life. I figure that things can only get better from here.

Or log into paypal and click on the Send Money tab. My email is sueric1111@gmail.com

Ugh, it’s been a craptastic week—sad, when you think that it’s only Tuesday, right? I know!

It all started yesterday morning. I woke up, put the youngest off to school, sent my oldest off to work. He had to be there by 8:30 for his shift. About nine, Eric and I left the house because we had to go to Skylar’s school for his annual IEP, and we’re not two minutes on the road when The Call comes in.

Alex: “… Mom, don’t be mad …”

Me: “Son, how many times have I told you never to start a conversation that way? Because it ALWAYS makes the person on the other end ‘mad’ … So why are you calling? You’re supposed to be working, aren’t you?” (At this point, I’m only mildly worried because he’s pulled that phrase on me before, and he SOUNDS okay, right?)

Alex: “… The truck (Jeep)’s been in an accident.”

Me: “… Again, why are you not at work?!” (since he is obviously okay enough to be calling me, you know …)

Alex: “I am at work. Someone hit the PARKED TRUCK.”

Me: “… … … Wha-a-a-a-a-at …?” (When you say this in your head, drop your voice about three octaves and draw the word out slooooooooooowly …)

Alex: (Big sigh. Really big sigh. Huge sigh.) “Yeah.”

Me: “Send me a picture, can you?”

Alex: “Okay, I’ll send one right now. Gotta go. Gotta talk to the police.”

Here’s the picture he sent me, in case you want to see it. Yes, the Jeep IS on grass (But wasn’t he hit in the parking lot …? Yes. Yes, he was. Let’s move on, shall we?) I laughed. It’s either that or cry.

And here are pics of both vehicles …

So we head up to Krogers parking lot to find out what’s going on. I have to call the school and tell them we’re not going to make it, that we have to go to see what happened with our Jeep. They say it’s fine, we can do the IEP over the phone later. (The only real ‘yay’ in this story, btw …), so we get to Krogers right after the wrecker does. That guy was trying to pull the woman’s car off the hill, and that’s when it hits me: the reason why the picture that Alex sent me shows both vehicles on the grass, and for some stupid reason, I thought when I looked that they’d been moved there, out of the way. Nope. Oh, nope. That’s where they ended up.

So I ask the first logical question that occurs to me to the officer: is the other driver okay? He says yes, she’s okay, they took her home. I asked what happened, and the officer tells me that from what the woman said, she was pulling into a parking space and tagged the Jeep. Errr … umm … Okaaaaaay …

So in my head, I’m looking around, and I’m doing the math. She was trying to pull into a parking space yet she managed to push a parked Jeep THAT far …? You saw the picture, right? So you know she doesn’t have a big, bad, hulking vehicle … But okay … I asked the next logical question: Was she DRUNK?! No. No, she wasn’t. She’s old. Ahh, old … That immediately brings back memories of conversations a few years ago with Mom when Dad’s health first started to really decline. He had a series of little accidents that ultimately led to his not being able to drive anymore. The state of Florida didn’t take Daddy’s license away, though. My mother did for his own good. So in my head, I’m thinking, ‘The poor lady … She had to have meant to hit the brake and missed or her foot slipped, something like that, and then maybe she just froze and didn’t react properly. It happens, right?‘

And my sweet son, for reasons I don’t understand, keeps saying, “She wrecked my truck because she was having a bout of road rage.” And being the terrible mom I am, I told him not to say that, that accidents happen, it was all right. Hell, I even asked her insurance company to let the woman know that we were glad that she wasn’t hurt…

While the wrecker is hauling the womans’ smashed up car onto the road, the police man asks Alex where, exactly, he was parked. Alex indicates, and the policeman looks surprised and says he thought he meant to space closest to the access road. Alex said no, he had pulled through to the space nearer to the building (not by much, but you get the idea, right?) This strikes me as strange though I don’t mention it, but the police man told me already that she had said she was trying to pull into a space and just tagged the Jeep. But if she had been trying to pull into that space, she would have hit the back of Alex’s Jeep AND she would have shoved the Jeep in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION … But what do I know? I wasn’t there, so I say nothing.

By the time they get the woman’s car moved and look at the Jeep, the guy suggests seeing if it’ll start, seeing if it can be at least driven down off the embankment and onto the road instead of having to drag it. Wouldn’t you know? It started on the first try, it sounds just fine—not a jiggle, not a rattle, not a cough, not a sputter. The wheel that she was jammed up against was knocked crooked, but when the man moved the steering wheel it moved right back, too. Don’t know if there’s anything wrong with the driveshaft or anything, but when the Jeep was driven (yes, driven) down onto the road, the only thing it was doing was losing coolant. But she’d knocked the front bumper off, smashed in the light column on the passenger side, etc … Oh, and did I mention that she had shoved the Jeep into a TREE? So yeah, rear damage, too …

So this morning, I get up to take Eric to work at six-thirty, come home, have to take Alex to work at ten so I can then come home and get picked up to be taken to get the rental vehicle (because they can’t bring Mohammed to the mountain, of course), and on the way to Krogers, Alex tells me that a number of employees told him at different times that their shifts started about the time that the accident happened, they saw the WHOLE THING, and their stories are all the same. Here it is:

The employees are instructed to park in the far right side of the parking lot in the spaces beside the access road (standard width, however wide that is exactly, but it’s not narrow; it’s a two lane road) that goes behind the store for truck deliveries. On the far side of this road is a good … 4 – 6 inch curb—not a gentle curb, either, but a very stark curb that you have to willfully go over, you see? After the curb is grass and a slope, and about … fifteen? Twenty? Feet off the road is a six or seven foot chain-link fence that separates Peace Tree Plaza from a small office building. On the left hand side of the chain-link fence, it runs up into some trees and a slightly wooded area though not nearly enough to be a forest or anything. More like a grove. Yes, all of this is important. Bear with me.

So the employees who had arrived just before nine for their shifts and saw this told Alex that they’d first noticed the woman because she was kind of stuck against the cart return (they call it a cart oasis) that was diagonal from the truck in the next parking lane over, which put her car directly in front of the Jeep. She was obviously agitated, rocking her vehicle forward and back to try to get away from the oasis. Finally she got angry and pretty much floored the car to dislodge it, and, yes, she smacked into the front passenger corner of the Jeep. Then the employees have all said that she STOPPED, but within a moment, she got this really weird, angry, hostile look on her face—and floored her car again. So angry that she shoved the Jeep through another parking space, across that access road, up over that six inch curb, up the embankment, over the chain-link fence, and against a tree where it finally stopped, but the police even said when he got there, her tires were STILL spinning, meaning she hadn’t taken her God-forsaken foot off the gas, either. All told, she shoved that Jeep at least 75 feet though probably closer to 100, all because she got mad?!

She totaled our Jeep on purpose, because she was mad, because she lost her temper. Like we have the money to deal with this. Like we have the money to have to replace the Jeep that SHOULD have lasted another good 120,000 miles. That Jeep has had two owners before us, and both kept meticulous records of the work they’ve had done on it—EVERYTHING—in the back of the owner’s manual. We’ve been meticulous, too. The interior looked brand new when we bought it five years ago, and it doesn’t look bad now. The next vehicle we bought was supposed to be for me, so I could go back to school, so I could get my degree in English. Can we really tell Alex, sorry, know that was your graduation present, but since it’s totaled and not even your fault, you’re shit out of luck, kiddo …? I can’t do that. So instead, we’re left having to pay out another fifty bucks for the deposit for the rental car because her insurance will pay for the rental but not the deposit—fifty bucks we just don’t frigging have. Dealing with insurance and claims adjusters, but mostly, feeling so angry and upset because, out of all the vehicles she could have hit, she hit OURS.

It’s so frustrating. It’s so demoralizing. They’ll never pay us what the truck is worth because they only see the year and the mileage, and they don’t take into consideration things like how well it was maintained. Now we have to go buy something (can’t afford to get something on payments since we’re still paying for the car) and pray that it isn’t a hunk of junk, but you know what the one thing that ticks me off more than anything else is? The first thing Alex asked her when he went outside, the very first thing, “Are you okay?!” That’s what he wanted to know. He wasn’t angry that she’d wrecked his Jeep. He wasn’t cussing her for being careless. He wanted to know if she was all right, and her response? She refused to acknowledge him, she glared at him as though he had done something wrong, didn’t even apologize for wrecking his Jeep—nothing.

And what’s the point of my rant? Well, that’s the reason I haven’t posted anything today and not sure when I will post again. Why do I feel like I just keep getting kicked in the teeth, every time we turn around? Our anniversary’s this weekend, and we can’t celebrate it. Twenty years of marriage, and we’re stuck dealing with this crap. I just want to get my head cleared so I can concentrate on writing because that is what truly makes me happy. Hopefully tomorrow or the day after, I’ll have it together enough to be able to get back to it, and I may post the first chapter of Madison’s story just for kicks sometime soon, too.

On another note, I’m going to start posting chapters here on the website, so I encourage you to subscribe to the RSS feed to get updates because MediaMiners’ been so touchy of late. I will continue to post there, too, but the blog chapters will post first, likely a day ahead of MediaMiner. I have also created a twitter account that I can post updates on if I get enough people on there to bother. The url for that is https://twitter.com/SuericFanfics if you’re interested. Like I said, I’m only going to use the Twitter if there are enough followers to mess with it as I don’t particularly like the set-up but meh … I’ve gone ahead and posted the chapters of The Fulcrum here, as well. In the next few days, I’ll get around to making a page for indexing them so you don’t have to go hunting. Otherwise, I do let people know on the forum when I’ve posted a chapter, so you can always check there, too.

All right, enough of my ramblings. I think I need my own personal Evan so I can cry at him or beat on him and he’ll just laugh at me lol …

I don’t know why media miner is down, and I don’t know how long it will be down, so until it’s back up, feel free to check here for updates. Look for the link under “PAGES” (Purity Chapters when Media Miner is down) on the right to find the links to the chapters I’ve posted so you don’t have to do the scroll-thing. If you wish to comment, you can do so in the forum (link to the left) or here. Registration for blog and forum are separate. If you have trouble registering on the site blog, feel free to PM me in the forum; I can create a user account for you if you send me information such as your email address and your desired username. Comments on the blog are set to be moderated the first time you post to prevent spammers and such. After your first comment is approved, you can post comments without being moderated. You can find Subterfuge chapters 207 and up here; as of now, I’ve posted up to chapter 211 so do enjoy!

I moved the chapters I’d already posted from PAGES to normal posts and unfortunately comments were lost, but I did this so that they would show up on the RSS feed.  This way, if you have an RSS reader, you’ll get updates here when I post the chapters onsite.  The link for the feed is on the right toward the bottom under where you would log in.

Also, please do consider purchasing my original stories (the Sueric’s Originals link on the left) … Your support is GREATLY appreciated!!

I really love this time of year. I really do. This year, though, I kind of hate it. It seems like historically in my family, this time of year rather sucks. It’s just dumb. I mean, a number of years ago, Eric used to get a very nice Christmas bonus. They got it for years, and it was always what we spent on Christmas. Then one year, they just decided not to give anyone the bonus but didn’t tell anyone till about a week before Christmas, which left us rather screwed. That was fine. Back then, his work would allow them to get cash advances that they then took out of their checks over a number of weeks, so we did that. It was fine. They don’t allow that anymore. They used to have really great Christmas parties for the kids, as well, but those stopped back when the recession hit. I guess Eric was lucky. He’s one of the two in his department that didn’t get laid off then.

This year, just before Thanksgiving, they decided to cut everyone’s hours to 32 a week, and if you didn’t have vacation time, you were screwed. Eric, luckily had three days left, but still. Then they decided to shut down completely for two weeks between Christmas and over New Year. I don’t know what we’re going to do then. Right now, we’re down to about 375 bucks a week, but when Eric’s vacation time runs out in two weeks, it’ll be closer to about 250 if we’re lucky. It’s not like I can call the places we owe our bills to and tell them that we just won’t have the money to pay them. We already cancelled our Dish Network and a number of other small bills that don’t matter. Aside from letting them take our car back, there’s really nothing else we can cut, but we can’t make it on one car when Alex’s few hours a week are always varying from Eric’s.

So I went out and applied to a number of places, trying to get just a job that could help at least put food on the table, but no one is interested in hiring someone who hasn’t worked since 2000. Kind of figured it’d be that way. I mean, it took my 18 year old (at the time) almost a year just to get a job as a bagger at Krogers.

I feel so hopeless. I can feel the edges of depression creeping up on me. I’ve suffered through it before, and I really hate that I feel as though I’m going right back there again. I guess that’s the point of this post. Maybe if I can get it all out of my system, I won’t fall back there again. By nature, I tend to not post much about stuff on Facebook and such. I hate feeling like I’m whining, especially when I know that there are so many others who are far worse off than I am.

I’ve been trying to wake up in the morning, to remind myself what I have to be grateful for. Some days it works better than others. We don’t even have enough money to buy the stuff for Christmas dinner, but you know the kicker? We’re not poor long enough to get any kind of help from welfare or anything. We don’t know if Eric will be able to get unemployment or not, but even if he can, there will still be a week when we have absolutely no income at all if we do get that. Forget buying Christmas presents. We bought Skylar some things—drawing things that are pretty cheap, like paper and crayons and stuff like that. I’d just like to pay the stupid bills and to be able to buy food!

And then, there’s the whole thing with my dad. I wasn’t able to go to see him. There just wasn’t any way, and there wasn’t once they cut Eric’s hours, too. On the up side, he’s doing better. They’re saying that they think he will get to go home eventually. It’s been such an emotional drain on me because I’ve been trying to stay positive, to be upbeat because my mom already has enough stuff to deal with that she doesn’t need to be strong for me. The doctors said to her that she should consider letting ‘nature take it’s course’, which, in Dad’s case, would mean letting him starve to death because his main problem right now (and the only one right now) is that he cannot eat. I mean, really? Isn’t that, oh, I don’t know . . . illegal . . .?

The true problem is (and the other reason I’m posting this all) is just because it’s been affecting my ability to sit down and write. I feel as though I’m so overwhelmed that I just cannot even do the basic things. It’s true that writing has always helped me deal with things, but not this time, and I don’t know why. It’s not writer’s block. Everything is there in my head. It’s just this stupid feeling whenever I sit down to write that nothing in the world is okay, and it’s hard for me to believe in happy endings lately.

And the dumb thing is that I haven’t told Eric any of this, either. He feels bad enough already, you know? I see it in his face every day, how much of a failure he feels like because he can’t even provide the basics for his own family. His dad was rather like that. He didn’t work more than a week or two at any job at any time, which was hard on Eric and his family. Eric has never wanted to be that way. So I’m trying to hide it all from him, too, and all I succeed in doing is snapping his head off when he doesn’t deserve that, so then all I can keep thinking is that, if I died, they’d get my insurance money. Isn’t that awesome? I’m worth far more dead than alive. But then I get so upset and ashamed of that thought that I just don’t even want to look at my own family—the ones who should and do bring me joy.

I’m too old to expect miracles. They don’t happen very often, and I’m not asking for that now. I just feel so hopeless. I feel like if I keep all this inside, I’m going to explode. Hopefully tomorrow when I wake up, I can remind myself again that I’m thankful for so many things, and even if we don’t have money, we do have love. I’m sorry for unloading all of this on you.

EDIT:

I was asked to post this link. I hate doing it, but I just can’t get around it, I guess. Thank you. God Bless.

Kind of short and to the point, I guess, but another fanart has been added, courtesy of LadyDragonTamer!  Enjoy!

Consistency 2 by LadyDragonTamer

Gunnar’s great, isn’t he?

So in celebration of Mel’s birthday, I decided to write a one shot that focused on her two favorite characters: Kichiro and Bellaniece.  You can read it on Media Miner, as always, or you can read it here on the Oneshots page.  Either way, I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did in the writing!  So it’s time for Bellaniece’s birthday, and just what does Kichiro have up his sleeve?  Well, the answer may or may not surprise you … and yes, it is the longest oneshot I’ve written to date: 65 pages in Microsoft Word with 1/2 inch margins, so there’s a lot of stuff in there!

Oh, yes, and … HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MELZILLA!!!  HOPE IT’S A GOOD ONE!!!

Fun, right? I love adding new fanarts 🙂 Anyway, these are from two very talented folks!

Consistency

Consistency by LadyDragonTamer

and …

Evan and Valerie Kiss

Evan and Valerie Kiss by Titiana

Enjoy, and thanks, ladies 🙂

Two new fanarts by the very talented Titiana!!

Also, please note for everyone who has asked: A full Purity Family Tree (see link on the right).  I’ll update it when things are revealed in the stories.  Enjoy for now!!!

So to celebrate the season, I’ve added the oneshot, Silent Night to the website! It has a few fanarts to accompany it, courtesy of the very talented vayne 🙂 Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and pics 😀

Also added is a fantastic Meara fanart inspired by The Fairy Tale

And Cain, too!!

Oh, and Kurt!!!

Have a safe and happy holiday, okay? I’ll be back with you all when the new year starts!!!

Just finished updating the site to add three oneshots that somehow managed to slip my notice when I updated the last time. Purity: The Lesson; Purity: Golden, and A Very Purity Christmas have been added. I also rearranged the oneshots so that they are listed in chronological order to make it easier for people who want to put them into the right order.

And vayne sent me an absolutely adorable early Christmas present, so I figured I’d share it with you all, too! She did a really fantastic job on Evan and Valerie, don’t you think? C’mon, show her some love, will you? As always, the full view can be found on the colored fanart page, but here’s a little thumbnail:

This pic is also available in a wallpaper, available on the Fanarts Lineart page.

So everyone enjoy, and have a great holiday season! I’ll catch up with you when I post the Christmas oneshot I’ve been working on!